firsts

first day of first grade,

first day of pre-k,

first day at a new school making new friends,

first day of music together,

first day of turning over in her crib,

all this is so bittersweet, such a mix of emotions.  luke started yesterday, said he liked it, was excited to put on his uniform.  then told logan, you will not believe how long the day is.  logan was starting to get clingy, tears started to dwell in his eyes.  then he was welcomed with a box of legos sitting on the table.  it was a dream come true.  it made both our days.  his eyes lit up and he turned and told me, i am great at legos.

landon had his first music together class.  i think he liked it, hard to tell.  he was excited to have his own class, play and dance to the music, only asked to go home for lunch a few times.

speaking of lunch, today was the first lunch i have sat and eaten by myself in 6 years.  and honestly, i am not sure what to think. now that i have the time to think... all i think about is my children.  am i raising them right?  am i being the best mom i can to them?  i worry about it and hope i am doing it right.  there is always a bit of mommy guilt.  i love dropping them off in the morning and having a moment to myself.  pick up i dread. and its not that i do not miss them, love them... its because i never know how they will be after pick up.  they must hold every emotion in all day at school, then they come home and let it all loose on me.  even though i know its coming, even though i can spend all day thinking of better ways to calm the transition, it is still the hardest part of my day.  the last thing i want to do when we walk in the door after a long day is send someone to time out.  and time after time it happens.  maybe as the initial settling into the school year wears off we will find a better transition.