the ghosts...

... of halloweens past.

is it here yet?

let the countdown begin...

yesterday at the mall, in the check out line.  toddler boy sleeping in one stroller and baby girl sleeping on top of me in the carrier.  happy mommy and nana shopping with two sleeping children.

then...

lily vomits all over me.  i cannot believe how much came out of her little body, and it kept coming, and coming, and coming.  and of course, she kept smiling, smiling, smiling.   

then...

after being sick all day and hardly taking a nap, she starts sitting up.  how did she do that?   sick with a stomach flu all day and then she sits?  and all by herself, unsupported. 

now...

she is loving to sit and look around.  just like i can't get enough of her, she can't get enough of this little toy.  i know i have said it before...can...i...please...stop....time???

the regatta

they came running through the door, tripping over one another to show me their newest creation.  they built them and raced them on their camping trip.   logan even won, twice may i add.  and he was the youngest one there.

before i could kiss and welcome them home, they were off in the yard setting up the water table to race the boats. needless to say, i had no problem getting them into the bath that night.

milestones

with all my worries, i have not posted lily's latest milestones. things i never want to forget...

her first two teeth.  after a few sleepless nights (always a joy), out came two little bottom teeth.  that was at the start of the month. she is drooling again, so more little teether's are on the way.

she is creeping around, well, its more like she pounces.  this little girl gets herself up on all fours then pounces forward, like a kitten.  i don't remember any of my others doing this, but she pounces her way around the room.  its the cutest thing, i just got a video of it yesterday.  when/if i figure out how to post a video, i most certainly will share.

and she is eating my homemade food.  so far we have made sweet potatoes, carrots, bananas, pears, apple sauce.  i really need to look up those old baby food recipes, its so much fun watching her as she experiences new flavors.  next on the list is squash and maybe i will cook some kale and mix it in?  its good for us, it should be good for them, right?

Gone camping

They left yesterday and I can't wait to hear all the Cub Scout stories. Just daddy and the boys. I packed them up and off they went into the wild for some little boy adventures.

the practice set up in the yard

the patch

with boots and a decorated chef hat we were off for a visit to the pumpkin patch. oh the memories.  lots of hugs from teachers, friends, and families we have not seen for some time.  we rolled the pumpkins, sat on the pumpkins, had a snack on the pumpkins.  it has a very special place in my heart.  can't wait for landon to experience it next year.

mismatch day

its mismatch day and these two frien-emies are up early, dressed and ready to go.  luke decided to mismatch his hair and logan was all about his socks and shoes. 

this is what they do outside before 7am when they don't know my eyes (and camera, he, he) are peeking.  i am sure the neighbors love us 

its spirt week...

crazy hair monday

Doctor's bags

You would think going to see a neurologist would involve a doctor entering the room in a hurry, looking at the 'patient', shining lights in their eyes, examining them with modern day lasers and tools, typing notes onto his iPad or speaking medical jargon into a recorder.  you know, the scenario of our modern day  medicine world.

well, thanks to all your positive thoughts and energy,  lily's neurologist is none of the above and instantly put me at ease when he walked into the room and introduced himself as the 'old man i had spoke to on the phone'.

he is old school.
he sat down and told us stories.
he smiled.
he never even looked at the nine pages of medical papers i had filled out for the visit.
he got out his old school medical bag and it was full of surprises.
the special medical bag... what could he possibly have in there?
toys.
all kinds of toys for her and landon to look at.

it was a good experience. he must have spent an entire hour with us, just chatting really.  he just wanted to meet lily and get to know her.

lily is a perfectly normal, bouncing, baby girl with eyes that shimmy (thats the word he used and i am going with it).  she has an eye shimmy because this tumor decided to plant its roots in the wrong spot.  it is still a rare condition.  it is still scary, but slowly i am accepting it.  its not my decision to make, this is our journey. her journey and it is opening my eyes.

we still have many tests to be done.  another mri with contrast focusing in on the area.  a pet scan to see how active it is.  these tests will determine what we need to do and what is best for lily.

i have been bringing lily to a massage therapist to do cranial sacral massage.  we began this before her diagnosis.  she has helped us immensely.  lily does not want to leave her, ever.  i have to pull her from the therapists arms.  she likes how it feels, all the good energy flowing into her little body.  she loves it. and the therapist, pam, told me to think of white when i am holding lily.  to think of white and generate that positive, healing energy to her.  the other night, when i lay there sleepless, that is what i thought of. it relaxed me and i drifted off.  so now i am off, hopefully i sleep.  good night to all you peeps.

prayers for this little one

thank you for all your support.  all the well wishes, prayers, and positive energy warms my heart.  i feel your presence from all over the world and i think lily does too.

last night she was up quite a bit.  not to nurse, not for anything but wanting to be held close to me in my arms.  she kept reaching up to touch my face. i think she senses my sadness and was letting me know that things are going to be alright.  she needed reassurance that i am there for her.  just as i need your reassurance.

nights are the hardest time.  the days are busy with the other littles, laughter and good times with family and friends.  but at night, its different.  it is when my heart aches like it never has before.  when, and if, i do fall asleep, i awake with tears wetting my cheeks and pillow.  deep breathes, deep breathes...

please continue to pray. light candles.  meditate.  sing.  dance.  smile. send positive energy and good thoughts.  whatever your thing is that you do so well. we will get through this.  i feel like i have all the support in the world which makes this doable.

much love to you.  lily and her mama

here's my little one with her beautiful eyes thanking you.  she is all smiles until i get her in front of a camera, we will work on that next.  all my love again

seasons first soccer games

logan's first game.  we were all there, he was so excited to see us.  even papa and nana.  his eyes gleamed.  then he made his first goal, such pride.  my little soccer player.

luke had his first game as well.  he is the smallest on the team, but runs with them all. he had us all there to cheering him on.