yesterday lily turned 6 months. we spent the morning at the park then off we went to her MRI appointment. the hospital had the same feel as the children's museum. and although i liked it, it is not where i want to spend my time. lily did great with the MRI, no issues.
then the call came. the call i never expected from the eye doctor. her MRI shows that she has optic nerve gliomas. a brain tumor on her optic nerve. the news blind sighted me. i knew there was a chance they would find something, but it was more of a rule out procedure. my baby, my little baby. a brain tumor? he just kept talking, i am sure he knew i was just sitting on the other end of the phone line with tears in my eyes, a million things running through my mind, but still speechless.
the neurologist called me. introduced himself. he reassured me i was in good hands. he said he would schedule her for next week and we will find a solution to what is going on. we will be going back to the 'pretty' hospital on tuesday and hopefully find out more.
like any mom i feel like this is a bad dream, a mistake. the wrong MRI? not my baby, not mine. apparently the neurologist must get this a lot. he had only read the report, but assured me that about 5 neurologists had reviewed the MRI, they know what they are looking at. he stated all of this without me even asking the questions.
seeming to sense my despair, i received a call from a mom at the church in my mom's group. she was calling to see how everything was going with lily. they had been praying for her. i broke down completely. just as completely as when i spoke to my mom and andy.
can there be a dr. mc dreamy out there. the whole greys anatomy team to sweep in and fix it. this is one of those times where i want that to be reality. i have always wondered how mom's cope with this kind of thing. how do they do it all? and with smiles on their faces? its one day at a time. i never thought i would get the call that my baby has a brain tumor in the worst of all locations, but i did. a day after her 6 month birthday. i just pray for her, i love her with all my heart. i want so much for her. want her to experience life in its fullest.
and i do not want my other children to feel the sadness i feel. they are so sensitive to my every emotion. i know she is 'their' lily. nothing will ever change that, the love they have for her. it is comforting to know that she has 3 brothers looking out for her.
please pray for lily grace... lets hope for a miracle.
