this little one

lily has started a new medication.  it is in the same family as the others and has similar side effects.  however, there have been some changes in her behavior that i am not so sure about.

she has not been sleeping well.  which really, is no change.  however, she used to just nurse and then go back to sleep.  now, she screams, cries, says owie, all while nursing.  and she will not stop nursing, i lay with her there awake for hours each night.  

she has started having bloody noses.  the first was right before we left on vacation.  i was packing the car and logan came running out to me terrified and screaming that lily was bleeding.  i ran inside to find herself full of blood as well as the floor, covered.  there was no injury and logan said she had sneezed.  it subsided quickly and i assumed it was from the dry air.  she had for the past two mornings.  i have a feeling we will be seeing more of these as a result of the therapy.

at breakfast luke asked why lily's hands were shaking while she was eating.  i walked over and it had stopped.  the medication is a toxin, obviously, we have to watch out to make sure she does not develop any neuropathy.  i am hoping she just had a little shiver. i have not seen her do it since.

her poor little tummy and bottom.  she has had diarrhea for 6 days. yes,6 days.  i have never gone through so many tubes of desitin in a week.  on the first day i spoke to the nurse about it, she had mentioned that it could last for a week or so.  the comment seemed a bit odd, i mean who has diarrhea for a week?  well, apparently individuals on chemo.  her system must be completely depleted causing her both the nose bleeds (low platelets) and diarrhea (strips the lining of her digestive tract of all the normal flora).  we are on probiotics, but geez. 

our next visit will be in two weeks.  the new medication is only given every other week.  i am hoping in the meantime, that means that these restless nights, diarrhea,  and bloody noses will lessen.  

yet through it all she still remains my smiling happy little girl.  keeping up with her brothers at every turn. calling out their names and looking for them when she hears their voices.  i on the other hand am not quite as chipper.  sleepless nights amount to migraines for this mama.  we were up for two middle of the night baths last night.  it seems like she knows the drill. poop. bath. back to bed. poop. bath. back to bed. amazingly all with a smile on her face, making my little migraine seem not all that bad in light of what she has going on.